'Rocky on the Wallet'

I went to Bristol later that day, slightly in shock, but also weirdly elated. I knew I was going to have this baby and the fact that I wouldn't entertain any other outcome gave me reason to relax a little. The bit that scared the shit out of me was that I was going to have a baby with a man I recently decided I didn't really like, let alone love! I kept thinking this isn't the way my future is supposed to unfold, I am supposed to fall in love, with someone who isn't, well, a chav.

The amazingly magical part about this day was when I told him we were expecting. As a father of three, I didn't expect him to have the uncontainable excitement of a first time dad but I did expect a bit more than (and I quote) "It's going to be rocky on the wallet". I mean, Jesus, don't bowl me over with your enthusiasm will you!?! He didn't just say it once, he said it about five times, and just incase you aren't quite fluent in 'chav' it roughly translates to, 'this is going to be expensive darling'.

So, I had a little word with myself and decided to try my hardest to make our relationship work. Kevin, on the other hand quit his job, blew smoke in my face, crashed his car and wrote it off, wouldn't visit his children, mocked me constantly and ripped me off financially. He also decided it would be a great idea to take loads of co-codamol on an empty stomach and pretend he was dead, when the ambulance I had rung turned up, he sat up in bed and said, 'why did you call them'? I know what you are thinking... what a twat and you're right. 

All this I managed to take, but when he had purposely used every scrap of anything absorbent for the fourth time that week and failed to replace it and not flushed his latest bowel movement away, I was broken. Sitting on the toilet, dripping dry, I called him to tell him how disgusting he was and that I would be staying with my sister for a week. He didn't like that and told me that if I left he would change the locks. My sisters gathered like the forces of Mordor around me and I was moved out within three hours, two and a half months pregnant. That was the last time I saw him, apart from on t.v., when he burnt a tart, but that's another story!